The Six Passions of the Red-Hot Lover

Marrying your best friend romantic partner can be a wonderfully validating and rewarding experience. It has the potential to give you someone who is always there for you no matter what. The intimacy can be amazing.

If a couple is lacking the closeness of a best friend relationship, they probably need to work on liking each other more. Perhaps they can figure out what they have in common, how they can spend more time together and what new subjects they can discuss. In other words, do what friends do.

In my experience, the way married best friends are most likely to go wrong is in defaulting to be just best friends. When they get overloaded with the stress and complexity of married or family life, they tend to let the romantic, passionate and sexual parts of their relationship go. They seem to believe they can just pick up where they left off whenever they like. However, it’s very possible that one of them will settle into the friendship and kind of like being roommates.

It’s not generally a good idea to let an important part of a relationship lapse for a long time.

I’ve noticed that more and more women are becoming practical about the realities of love and marriage. If they want to be married and have children,  they need to do more than just marry in time to accommodate their biological clocks. They also need men who can share the child care priorities and responsibilities. This requires the couple to be able to talk, discuss and negotiate as friends. There appears to be less risk of divorce, or at least ugly expensive divorce, between people who value each other’s friendship and plan to co-parent. With or without children in the picture, marriage is a big deal because of its social, legal and financial implications. It’s generally smarter and safer to tie yourself to someone who is your lover and your best friend.