Yes, but you’re really setting yourself up for a challenge. Tinder seems to be set up as the devil’s advocate of deep, meaningful relationships. You have just a little information on your prospective hookup or date and some photos. But, then again you don’t have much to go on if you meet someone at a club or a coffee shop. What you need to be able to accomplish is no easy feat: Engage a person in such a way that you can tell if there’s potential for a real connection. Inspire him/her to want to get to know you deep down. And have the opportunity to make it all happen. By the way, that probably means no sex for three to six dates. If you’re looking for resonance with your inner self, you need to be unclouded emotionally. You have to connect with your gut. Sex is a big distraction…
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Firstly, we need to define Red-hot Love: Romance that’s full of passion, drama, intensity and lovesickness. We need to thank the courtly lovers of the Middle Ages for Red-hot Love: Without them we might not have drama kings and queens, princes and princesses and a lot of the high maintenance lovers of the world. We may have missed out entirely on the knight in shining armor rescuing the poor fellow or the damsel in distress with his/her love. We could be lacking the exquisitely sensitive, heartbreakingly appealing gentle lover who stumbles and falls in matters of love. It’s possible that we wouldn’t have developed the ever popular game of playing hard to get. And where would we be if they hadn’t developed lovesickness into a prescribed ritual? Arguably, we may not even have Ashley Madison if it wasn’t for the courtly lovers. For all of their Courts of Love, Laws…
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Tinder seems to be the model of efficiency as a hookup or dating site. It appears to be the natural evolution of online dating. This is all good, but there’s something about it that makes me very sad. Perhaps it’s the bottom-line of Tinder that gets to me: A quick connection with someone is easy to obtain. It’s not that valuable. Maybe, as a therapist, I spend too much time talking with playboys and playgirls about their loneliness. I hear that the sex is rarely amazing; generally it’s good enough for two or more people who are drunk or high and who don’t know each other well. Often enough, somebody is getting hurt. And nobody seems to really care about that except the person who is hurt of course. Everybody else is just playing the game, staying in his/her individual bubble and trying not to be that person. I think my issue…
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Bedtime Stories I’m a Toronto-based therapist with many clients who use Tinder, and I can’t help commenting on your May issue article, “The Bay Street Tinder Diaries.” They tell me it’s a trendy, racy way to meet people as well as a hookup site. Most of them go on it not just for sex but hoping for an emotional connection. If one develops, they seem to feel it’s more of an accomplishment than if they’d used a conventional dating site. If nothing develops, they can fall back on Tinder being a hookup site. It’s sort of like cramming for exams: do well and you look like a genius; do poorly, and you have the face-saving excuse of not having studied until the night before. This may be a well-guarded secret, but in my practice, I’ve found most people still want a loving and passionate relationship. They default into having multiple…
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